We're so excited to be featuring a post written by Juli Ferro, one of our absolute favorite people in the world this week!
All my life I've dreamt about love. Watching movies, hearing songs, reading books - the idea of love fascinated me. Since I was young, I’ve always looked up to my parents’ love story. They met in Colombia, and my mom was actually engaged at the time. My parents got married two months and two days later and have been absolutely in love with each other for the last 25 years. I always wanted that, I longed for that, I strived to have that type of love that lasts a lifetime.
My first boyfriend was someone that I dated on and off from seventh grade until my junior year of college. He was my first love, and my first heartbreak. This relationship (although we were young) taught me a lot: I learned what was really important to me in a relationship and I carried that with me for the years to come. After that relationship ended, I would date the typical college hook up here and there, but nothing ever got serious. In January of 2019, I went to one of my best friend's colleges and met a guy. We hung out whenever we could since we went to different colleges, and we decided to take the next step. Over that spring break, I went to New York and met his family. I did the whole nine yards of meeting the parents, but truthfully I didn't feel a connection and I didn’t see a future for us. I realized after meeting his parents, that I did not want this boy to meet my parents. I am beyond close to my parents, especially my dad. He was my best friend. I knew if I were to ever bring a boy home to him, his opinion would mean more to me than my own opinion. I knew deep down that the New York boy wouldn't make the cut. I left New York the Tuesday of spring break. That Thursday we had a girls trip planned to Montreal - little did I know that I would meet someone there that would completely change my life.
Our first night in Montreal, we went to a random bar in the city and my best friend from college mentioned that she knew a few guys that were also in Canada, so naturally we met up with them. This tall handsome man came over and introduced himself. We talked the entire night and immediately hit it off. He even asked me to dance in Spanish, which really impressed me. I ended up dancing with him and I felt so guilty since I was still with this other guy. I knew I had to end the situation I was in. The next morning, I messaged the guy I met the night before through Instagram my phone number. He read the message but never replied. I was disappointed, but I eventually just forgot about it. The next day I received a text from a random number and guess who it was? The bar guy. We started talking and it was unmistakable that we had a really strong connection. We continued to hangout and my feelings for him got stronger and stronger. Two months later, we started to date.
It's funny how things workout when you least expect it. I met this bar guy while I was in a situation with another guy. We met in another country and dated two months later… sounds familiar, right? This is almost exactly how my parents met. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that the past repeats itself. Like I said before, my parents love story is what I looked up to. I somehow had weirdly recreated the same story they had. At this point, everything just seemed that it was just meant to be. It felt like the vision I had for what meeting the person I wanted to be with forever was unfolding and everything felt so perfect.
To tell you I was in love with him would be a total understatement. I fell so hard not just for him, but for his family too. We went through so much from disloyalty, to addiction, to unfortunately many deaths. We stuck together through it all, and were always there to be the rock the other person needed in the moment. We had so many plans for the future, and I was absolutely in love. The love that is so deep, you can't even explain it. I thought I was going to marry this man. 2020 sucked for everyone, but mine was the most painful and eye-opening year I could have had. My dad was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, a month later another family member passed away, COVID-19 obviously happened, and then another family member passed away. We went through more together in that year, than a lot of couples go through in a lifetime. During covid, he practically moved in with my family and was there when we found my dad the morning he passed away. Afterward, I stayed with his family for almost a month. We became dependent on each other and got to the point where we almost couldn't live without each other. I think this is where a lot of our issues started to stem from.
We moved in together June 1st and we were broken up by the 26th. To tell you I have never felt that much pain in my life is an understatement. It felt like my heart was ripped out from my chest. We were fighting a lot, usually when alcohol was involved. I had my insecurities, which sadly I took out on him. I had a lot going on, and he was my punching bag. Looking back, I wish I could have controlled my anxiety and stress better, but those are all the “what ifs'' that no one will ever know. I wasn't only losing the love of my life, but I was losing a second family as well. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I felt so alone. I moved in with my best friend for a week or two. I’ll never forget how it felt grabbing all my stuff from the apartment. I really thought this was it for me, that I had found the guy I was going to be with for the rest of my life. Coming to the realization that our relationship was over was unbelievably difficult. After everything we had been through together, it didn't seem real that things were ending.
The period of time after this break up was one of the most difficult of my life. There were days where I couldn’t eat, and I couldn't get out of bed. I honestly felt like my life had hit rock bottom. The months slowly passed and I was slowly gaining my strength back. I started to work on myself. I bought an entire new closet of clothes (retail therapy is a real thing) and I started to get into makeup and skincare. I went to the gym. I went out with my best girl friends and danced the night away. By the time the summer ended, I had lost roughly twenty pounds and was feeling so much healthier. I actually started falling in love with myself. I found my worth. I learned what I deserve and what I want love to look like. I also learned how strong I am and that I picked myself up after feeling completely destroyed. It was a really empowering experience to feel like I had taken control of a bad situation, and made the best of it. I had made it my mission to find myself and I did exactly that.
It’s been eight months since we broke up. I'm not going to lie to you and say that a part of me doesn't still love him or that I am completely over him. I think after going through all we went through as a couple, it’s hard to just let that love go. Although the past eight months have been far from easy, they have been really transformative for me. This might sound corny, but you know the feeling of studying for an exam for hours, finally taking it and realizing you knew all the answers? That's the feeling I feel. All along I was the answer to myself, I just needed to realize it.
What I’ve learned most through my experiences is this: know what you deserve and don’t settle for a relationship where you’re getting anything less. After a breakup, you'll have your days, but feel those days. Scream, cry, do whatever it takes for you to feel those feelings. Talk to people who don’t care if you are annoying or continue to be upset about things from months ago. It's OKAY to not be okay. All your feelings are valid, even months later. Learn to be okay with being alone. Do things to invest in yourself, and invest in the other relationships in your life that are important to you. Focus on things that are going to propel you forward whether it's school, work, or hobbies you’re passionate about. Becoming a stronger person that knows how to be okay on their own isn’t something that happens overnight. Eventually though, you’ll wake up and realize just how far you’ve come. That's when you know you did it.